It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
