Plan B is the new Plan A
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
