the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
