Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
