I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
