I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
