Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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