It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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