my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
