Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
