He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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