You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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