I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
