I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
