The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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