if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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