loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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