The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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