I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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