he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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