you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
