I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
