Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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