its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
