It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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