God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
