my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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