I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
