Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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