Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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