new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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