Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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