i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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