got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
