he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
