we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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