wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
