it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
