True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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