I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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