we have pet lesbian snakes
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
