we made out on top of his cat.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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