Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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