the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am one with the molecules
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
