Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
