I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
