I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
