There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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