Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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