You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
