so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
