jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There's always time for handjobs
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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