no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
