Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
